Six Characters in Search of a Blogger


4.2 Where Are They Now: Snow Miser
December 2, 2008, 12:32 am
Filed under: Rankin/Bass Christmas Characters | Tags: , ,

Name:  Snow Miser

Also known as:  Mr. White Christmas, Mr. Snow, Mr. Icycle, Mr. 10 below  

Snow Miser

Snow Miser

Talents:   can turn objects into snow; accomplished dancer & singer; world Parcheesi champion, 1986

Home:   Ice castle located in the Laplands of Finland (in foreclosure)

Marital status:  Currently estranged from his 3rd wife, Annika Duckmark (former Miss Sweden, 1996)

Secret crush:  Sarah Palin.  She should be so wrong, but she just seems so right.

Favorite film:  The Day After Tomorrow, starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Dennis Quaid.  Because watching New York freeze over was awesome.  

Car:  SmartCar Electric

Little known fact:  Has had multiple facial surgeries to remove icycle-like protuberances from the end of his nose.  Unfortunately, doctors have told him, the growths will continue to recur without some drastic interventional measures.  He is currently considering radical nose replacement surgery, à la Michael Jackson.

Last public appearance:  A Japanese commercial for Yamadai company’s frozen Okazu in 2002.  For reasons he still does not understand, he now has a large fan base of Japanese lesbians.

Where he is now:  Following the brief snowstorm event in Southtown, U.S.A. in 1974 and aberrant springlike weather in the North Pole, Miser grew disillusioned with the world climate order.  He briefly joined an Eskimo colony in Barrow, Alaska, where he met and married his first wife Kanguyak (Inuit for “Daisy”), but left shortly after whaling season when Kanguyak refused to live in the split-level igloo he had built her.

After spending two years as a member of Greenpeace’s “Rainbow Warrior” crew, protesting whale and seal hunting in the North Atlantic, he returned to school in the early 80s, earning a degree in environmental engineering from the University of Stavanger in Norway.  He subsequently went to work for a deep-sea marine fisheries operation, where he specialized in developing flash-freezing techniques.  He patented one of his inventions, which earned him significant enough royalties that he was able to retire in 1990, and pursue pet projects such as collecting ice core samples from the poles.  He met his second wife, Trudy, at the Halley Research Station in Antarctica, where they married in a very small ceremony the winter of 1991, as neither of their families could attend due to weather complications.  They divorced shortly after leaving the station in 1992, when Trudy remembered there were actually many more men in the world and she grew tired of her husband’s repetitive sexual advances using his “Mr. Icycle” persona.

During his retirement, Miser heavily invested his profits in Icelandic fishing interests, which were reaping impressive profits until 2007.  When the bottom fell out of the Icelandic economy in October 2008, Miser lost everything, and had to declare bankruptcy.  His most recent wife, former Swedish beauty queen Annika Duckmark, left shortly afterwards.

After the dissolution of his last marriage, Miser has, according to reports, been sleeping on his good friend Ed Begley Jr.’s couch.  He has been drowning his sorrows in Begley’s home brew, which Begley makes using a solar-powered boiling pot, organic hops grown on his roof garden, and water recycled from his own urine.

Miser has since retracted his statement that he is “too much.”

 

Check out Snow Miser’s “big number” in A Year without a Santa Claus:

 

 

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