Six Characters in Search of a Blogger

2.1 The Hills are alive with Justin Bobby
November 17, 2008, 7:39 pm
Filed under: Guys from "The Hills" | Tags: , , ,


The truth and time tells all.   -Justin Bobby, spouter of cryptic cosmic wisdom

Homeboy wore combat boots to the beach.   -Lauren Conrad, keen social observer

Ah, Justin Bobby Brescia.  Walking enigma, speaker of riddles, rider of motorcycles, advocate of open relationships, champion belcher, sometime dirtbag, wearer of combat boots to the beach.

Justin Bobby first came into our lives on Season 3 of The Hills, when he resurfaced in character Audrina Partridge’s life—and proceeded to take her on a rollercoaster of romance and betrayal.  Of course, anyone who watches the show knows he wasn’t introduced as Justin Bobby.  To Audrina, he was just Justin, an on-again, off-again flame who would pop up in her life intermittently.  Someone she just couldn’t get out of her system.

But we got a good indication of his potential as a character on the show when he was introduced to Audrina’s roommate (and star of The Hills), Lauren Conrad. He said, in that super laid back, gravelly way of his, “I’m Justin, but my friends call me Bobby.”  “Why?”  asked Lauren, somewhat confused.  He said nothing (likely because he had nothing to say.)  Friend Lo Bosworth then asked pertly, “Does anyone call you ‘Justin Bobby’?”  His answer (glaringly) “no.”  And then, irritated, he left.  Lauren and Lo stared at each other and giggled.  And hey presto! Justin Bobby was born.

The force of nature that is Justin Bobby.

Awww, yeah. Pull out the Courvoisier. It's Justin Bobby time.

At first, we viewers didn’t know quite what to think of him—he was mysterious, dark, and seemed to dislike things such as the cameras filming him, common standards of cleanliness, and basic rules of etiquette.  But over the course of two seasons now, he has become endeared to us as we have watched the train wreck of the Justin Bobby/Audrina relationship unfold.  It was always interesting to see how far he could push Audrina and still get her back—sort of like watching a kid punching a boxing dummy that takes the hit and pops right up for more.  Like the time she obviously wanted him to be her boyfriend (they had been seeing each other for a while), and they went out to dinner to talk.  I don’t remember the exact dialogue, but here is my interpretation:

Audrina  (looking both nervously and longingly at JB):  So people have been asking me if you are my boyfriend, and I didn’t know what to tell them.

Justin Bobby (swishing his hair back):  I hate being defined by other people.  I think what we have is cool.  Why do we have to ruin it by putting labels on it.

Audrina (staring blankly off into space while swirling her drink):  Yeah.

Or there was the time that Audrina and Justin Bobby arrived at Brody Jenner’s Malibu beach house for a party.  Justin wore combat boots (so practical and so stylish with swimming trunks), he and Audrina frolicked in the surf, they drank, they chilled.  And then he left.  With someone else.  (But he did have the courtesy to leave her motorcycle helmet behind.)

We thought that must be the end, that he’d hit the high water mark of jerkdom even for Audrina, but then she took him back because she “missed him.”  Cut to Audrina out clubbing one night with her friends.  She had come with Justin Bobby, but made her way over to Lauren, Brody and Frankie (another friend) to chat.  Suddenly there is a disturbance.  The camera shoots over to the darkened bar area, where it’s hard to see anything, and quickly moves back to Audrina’s face; we hear, “did he just kiss her?”  And suddenly Audrina is saying “I’m leaving” and the camera crew is racing after her, along with Lauren, Brody and Frankie.  Justin Bobby catches up with her at the door, tries to grab her arm but she throws it off.  She’s crying.  She yells something at the floozy who was supposedly making out with Justin Bobby, then runs across the street to a dark parking lot, Justin Bobby in hot pursuit.  He’s trying to talk to her, they go behind a dumpster.  Later, we find out, it’s over.  Kaput.  Finally, done.

After that débacle, a normal person would deem Audrina certifiably insane for taking Justin Bobby back again (insanity=doing something over and over again and expecting different results), so we logically presumed that we had seen the last of him—hair, combat boots and all.  But, with the resiliency of herpes, he turned back up in her life this season, with a new haircut, a new philosophy about washing himself, and a newer, more subtly manipulative desire to torment her.  Recent weeks have seen the cat-and-mouse game they played expand as Audrina whipped her top off in a friend’s pool on a dare from Justin (saying he would “have to come and get her” if she did it), only to have him tell her in a moment of playful intimacy that he has a “hall pass” with other girls because she’d gone on a date with someone else.  (Not that they were dating exclusively, by the way.)  Frustrated, Audrina turned to a cute and decent Aussie named Cory for comfort and companionship, but soon found herself roped back in by Justin Bobby (for the gazillionth time) as he pulled up dramatically on his motorcycle outside the record studio where she is working and admitted they have something special. He wants to be with her, he said.    

Now if she turned to me for advice, instead of one of those people they pay to be her friends on the show, I would tell her:  of course you should believe him, Audrina.  He can change.  He cut his hair, for God’s sake—if he can commit to that he can commit to anything, right?  (And if you believe that, then there is also a nice bridge project I would like to sell you in the up-and-coming state of Alaska.  Think about it: you both could live there, open a Pinkberry franchise, and live happily ever after.  Open it in Wasilla, they’re really friendly to industrial development pretty much anywhere–they don’t have any prickly issues with the environment– plus they have a steady stream of journalists coming through nowadays.)

As I write this, I realize with some shame that I have a Masters degree.  I could be reading Nietzsche or doing the New York Times crossword puzzle in pen.  But I guess I am just like Audrina on this one.  I can’t get Justin Bobby out of my system.  So until they make a version of Valtrex for frequently recurring outbreaks of sleazy TV characters, I’ll just have to keep tuning in on Monday nights.


1 Comment so far
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I think Justin Bobby’s actual response to Audrina’s “are you my boyfriend” question went something like this…
“i mean. well you like me. that’s why we have these issues. we have a choice. to be at peace, you know. like, kick rocks. be acquaintances. or we can be cool with each other and enjoy the company and have fun with each other.”
(sorry, i couldn’t resist)

Comment by C

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