Filed under: My favorite characters/moments from Christmas movies | Tags: Christmas, Denis Leary, hostage, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey, The Ref, therapy
Take one demented couple who have accrued thousands of hours in therapy. Add one cat burglar (in the person of Denis Leary), a blackmailing son, multiple dysfunctional family visitors, a hostage situation, and a little dash of Christmas Eve and you have the hilarity that is The Ref.
Featuring two of my favorite actors, the brilliant Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey, this witty gem directed by the late great Ted Demme has many classic moments. But undoubtedly one of my favorites features the character Rose (the bitingly acerbic matriarch of the family), berating Gus (the burglar, played by Denis Leary) for his incompetence as a man and a criminal.
The hilarious part for me is that this speech from Grandma isn’t so far off what some of my friends (or their mothers) might say in the same situation.
(My friends are awesome.)
Filed under: My favorite characters/moments from Christmas movies | Tags: Christmas, Hugh Grant, Keira Knightley, Love Actually, movie
Love Actually is a flawed film. There are hilarious moments. There are cliché moments. There are moments when good acting talent is wasted. And there are moments when the film descends into the ridiculous, such as when the British Prime Minister (played by Hugh Grant) is caught kissing his catering manager backstage at a grade school play. Cute, but ridiculous.
But there is one moment in the film that stands out above all others to me. Of course, it is utterly fantastical–I don’t know many men who would have the imagination or the grace to make such a gesture. (And I know still fewer women who would be able to resist it.) But I’m a sucker for it nonetheless. The moment I am talking about is when the character, Mark (played by Andrew Lincoln) shows up at the front door of his best friend’s wife (the character Juliet, played by Keira Knightley) to tell her that he is in love with her. And it’s done in such a wistful, funny, quiet way that it’s beautiful.
Filed under: My favorite characters/moments from Christmas movies | Tags: Albert Finney, Christmas, Scrooge
This post goes out to my friend Mellie, with whom I have had numerous moments of hilarity over Albert Finney’s performance in Scrooge (a 1970 musical remake of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.)
Now, I must give Mr. Finney great props as an actor–he’s incredibly talented, and I have been very moved by his performances in such films as The Browning Version and A Man of No Importance (to name a few.) But Scrooge represents a rather comic misstep in his otherwise brilliant career: my biggest giggles have come during such classic songs as “You…you” and “I Hate People.”
Now this isn’t to say I don’t like the movie…because I do, very much. It’s a rollicking piece of Christmas kitcsch that you’ll find yourself humming along to, again and again (especially if you have a few egg nogs in you.) And unquestionably one of my favorite moments is when Scrooge meets the ghost of Christmas Present, drinks a little bit of wine, and allows himself to admit “I like life.”
I couldn’t think of a more appropriate song for Christmas Eve. So gather with your family, have a little (or a lot of) wine, and sing along (you’ll find it hard not to):
Filed under: My favorite characters/moments from Christmas movies | Tags: A Christmas Story, Christmas, flagpole, Flick, movie, Ralphie
Holy smokes, who can forget when Ralphie’s friend Flick (played by actor Scotty Schwartz) accepts the Triple Dog Dare to lick the flagpole in A Christmas Story? It is easily one of the best scenes ever in Christmas film history. And frighteningly familiar: I knew a kid who did the same thing at recess back in 2nd grade, and it was just as painful, embarrassing, and pee-your-pants funny as it was in the movie.
Now, please forgive me for being irreverent during this Christmas season, but every time I watch it, I can’t help but wonder whether there was some deliberate symbolic foreshadowing for Scotty Schwartz’s career planted in the script? (Scotty went on to star in porn films. Insert guttural Beavis and Butthead chuckle here.)
Filed under: My favorite characters/moments from Christmas movies | Tags: Alfalfa, Christmas, Donna Reed, It's a Wonderful Life, Jimmy Stewart
Without doubt, It’s a Wonderful Life is my favorite Christmas film. I’m rather ashamed to admit I never saw it until I was in college, and this was thanks to a couple of classic film buffs (both under age 10!) for whom I babysat back in the day. So thanks, Lili and John, wherever you are!
There are innumerable classic moments in It’s a Wonderful Life, of course. The moment when George (Jimmy Stewart) courts Mary (Donna Reed) as they sing “Buffalo Gals” (and that old man from the porch calls out, “why don’t you kiss her instead of talking her to death?”) The moment George saves the Savings and Loan from the bank run during the Depression, and places the two dollars they have left in the safe. And the ultimate moment at the end of the film, when Zuzu says, “Look, Daddy, teacher says every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings,” and George looks up and says, “That’s right, that’s right. Atta boy, Clarence.”
Carl "Alfalfa" Switzer
But you might have missed a very critical cameo in the film by Carl “Alfalfa” Switzer, of Little Rascals fame, as Mary’s would-be suitor “Freddie Othello” at the high school dance. He only has a handful of lines, but it’s his one big act of defiance that enables the plot during the rest of the movie: that’s right, Alfalfa is the one who pulls the lever to retract the moveable floor during the Charleston contest. And it’s what causes Mary and George to go flying into the gym pool, get absolutely drenched, and walk home together in their makeshift costumes (she in a swim robe, he in an ill-fitting football uniform.) And then, they fall in love…
You can relive the scene here (the clip is long, so please forgive me! Alfalfa features in the first 3-4 minutes.)
Filed under: My favorite characters/moments from Christmas movies | Tags: characters, Christmas, movies
Hey, everyone! This week, given how busy we’ll all be with the upcoming Christmas holiday, I’ll just be featuring quick snippets of my favorite characters from several Christmas movies. (Thanks, in advance, to YouTube for supplying me with the raw material.) And if you have the time, feel free to chime in with some of your favorite characters/moments from Christmas movies!
Filed under: Santa and His Posse | Tags: Barack Obama, caganer, Christmas, Nativity scene, perfect gift
Everybody poops: the Barack Obama caganer
Forget about the Barack Obama commemorative plates and coins that keep getting hocked on infomercials all across cable TV.
This Christmas, tell someone you care with the Barack Obama caganer. No Nativity scene would be complete without the next President of the United States leaving a little bit of history for the Christ child.
It’s also great as a potty training demo for toddlers: everybody poops, and so does the President-Elect! So why not buy this little symbol of “yes we can” for your bathroom?
But act quickly! Supplies are limited, and no doubt Republicans will soon be snatching these up while they make jokes about Obama’s effect on the economy.
So visit www.caganer.com and buy this very special memento of the 2008 election today!
Filed under: Santa and His Posse | Tags: caga tió, caganer, Catalonia, Christmas, Nativity scene, pooping log, pooping man
Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo
I have always had a soft spot in my heart for the Comedy Central animated series South Park, despite its political incorrectness, because it is just so damn clever. And it is one of the few shows that can make me laugh so hard I cry.
When I first saw the episode featuring Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo, in 1997, it was one of those moments when I just couldn’t stop laughing. It was so bizarre! A talking piece of poo appears to one of the characters (Kyle, who happens to be Jewish) as a secular alternative to the religious symbols of Christmas; but Kyle is the only one who actually sees Mr. Hankey, at least in his singing and dancing persona. Everyone else around Kyle only sees him carrying around a piece of feces. And, of course, it is assumed that Kyle is mentally ill.
I thought, what in the heck do Trey Parker and Matt Stone smoke to come up with these outlandish ideas?
Forget the gold, frankincense, and myrrh: the caganer leaves a special gift for the Christ child
And then this week, I realized that Mr. Hankey had probably been inspired by a very strange set of Christmas traditions in Catalonia, Spain, where the holiday season could be called a veritable festival of poo. There, Nativity scenes feature the standard Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus, as well as animals, shepherds and Wise Men. But another critical attendee at this most celebrated of birth scenes is the caganer (trans. “the pooing man”) who deposits a very special gift before the Christ child: his excretions. (Apparently, Catalan manger scenes have also been expanded to include the pixaner, who takes a leak to show his reverence before the infant Son of God.)
Christmas tradition in Catalonia also includes the magical figure of caga tió, literally “the pooping log,” which has an honored place during holiday celebrations. Beginning on December 8 (the feast of the Immaculate Conception) the hollowed log is “fed” or filled with gifts, and covered with a blanket for comfort. Then, on Christmas Day, children beat it so that it will “poo” treats for them. There are even special songs that go along with the event:
caga tió, the pooping Christmas log
Poop log,
Poop turron (a nougat-based Catalan candy)
Hazelnuts and cottage cheese;
If you don’t poop well,
I’ll hit you with a stick,
Poop log!
Following the song, the log is hit fairly hard, and someone will reach under the blanket to extract the gift that has just been defecated. Once the gift is revealed, the process begins again.
You know, I have never held natural bodily processes in such reverence. Are the Catalans suggesting that I should? Perhaps. But somehow, I don’t think wrapping up such a–well, excremental?–memento and putting it under the tree would be appreciated by the folks on my Christmas list. (Although it might make a great follow-up SNL skit for Andy Samberg, whose “D**k in a Box” Digital Short was such a hit a few years ago.)
But I suppose there is a little part of me (once I get past the initial revulsion) that is rather happy that there are precedents for Mr. Hankey in the world. It feels a bit like that moment from the famous 1897 letter/editorial in the New York Sun, written to a young Virginia O’Hanlon about the existence of Santa Claus. (I’ve made the appropriate substitutions):
No [Christmas poo]? Thank God! He lives, and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
And now, to make glad your heart as we approach Christmas week, a little sample of Mr. Hankey’s magic; click HERE, and enjoy!
Filed under: Santa and His Posse | Tags: broom, Christ child, Christmas, Italy, La Befana, Magi, Wise Men
La Befana: housekeeper extraordinaire
On the eve of Epiphany (Jan. 6, celebrated as the day the Wise Men find the Christ child), you will find a broom-riding witch circling above the rooftops of Italy, intermittently diving down chimneys to deliver goodies to children. Her name is La Befana.
Yes, La Befana is the latest in the bizarre pantheon of characters around the world who is said to give presents to children during the Christmas season. But why a witch? And a rather scary one at that? (I am beginning to wonder why more children don’t have more nightmares at this time of year.) Well, apparently the story goes like this: La Befana was just an ordinary old woman, cleaning her house and going about her business, when the Magi (the three wise men of gold, frankincense and myrrh fame) showed up at her door asking for directions to the Christ child. She had no idea, but gave them shelter in her home overnight. They found the experience so pleasant that they invited her along on their journey the next day; but she declined, saying she was too busy with housework. Later that night, she regretted the decision, and set off to find them, with no luck.
Since then, every year, La Befana is said to be searching for the Christ child, and flies around on her broom leaving toys and candy in the stockings of good little children (and lumps of coal or ashes in the bad.) As an added bonus, before she leaves the house, La Befana sweeps your floors so you wake up on the morning of Epiphany with a sparkling home. But watch out! If you see her during the night she’ll give you a thump with her broom.
OK, La Befana, despite the fact that you would likely scare the bejeezus out of my neighbors, and offend some of my feminist friends, I’d officially like to invite you to my home in the U.S. this Christmas. Because anyone who wants to leave me candy and clean floors is more than welcome.
The Tomte
If you live in Sweden, legend has it that each home has its own little helper/guardian, the Tomte, who lives snug under the floorboards, and comes out at night to take care of the house and protect its inhabitants. (Don’t try to see him; he can easily make himself invisible.)
At Christmas, the Tomte distributes holiday gifts to members of the family, often providing rhymed clues about the contents. In return, the family is asked to leave a bowl of porridge for the Tomte to snack on–but, very importantly, the porridge must have butter on top; if it doesn’t, be prepared for the consequences. He’ll morph from a cuddly, industrious little gnome into a rage-filled, schizophrenic meth addict. He’ll burn your tree. He’ll smear your walls with human waste. He will cut you.
Well, perhaps I exaggerate a little. But he will make a mess. So do yourself a favor–don’t try to substitute with margarine or Olivio or some silly soy-based product. Go for the Swedish equivalent of Land o’ Lakes. (Land av Insjö ?) You can thank me later.
